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Oh come on, we both know Will. He must have said something. He had to walk back through the Wrkte centre sopping wet and barely clothed, Mr Gilbert. Mr Gilbert stifles a giggle Will's Mum: I had hoped you'd take this more seriously. He wrote to the paper especially to get work experience, and instead I'm picking frogspawn out of his underpants. Would you excuse me, just for a second?

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Mr Gilbert gets up and steps into the corridor outside Mr Gilbert: Mr Gilbert returns to the room Mr Gilbert: Look, I don't liqkeur it to seem as if I'm passing the buck, but it really is up to their employers. I will ask if they'll consider swapping students, but I can't promise anything. Now if you'll excuse me, I do have a meeting to attend to. Mr Wrute leaves the Wirte and brushes his hands together in the corridor outside before walking off Neil's Dad: I'm not sure I should send Neil to the garage. Those men sound like brutes. I think it was just high jinks. Three dirty men throwing a young, naked boy into water?

I never said Will was naked. I thought you did Hmm, not quite the outcome I'd hoped for. Neil's dad imagining me naked. Fack off, you're a virgin, mate. If you must know, I'd spunk on the big ones! And I have had better than that, actually! And she's got massive titties, and I fucked her hard and all night long! Oh, right, so what are you and this little 'ornbacket up to this weekend then? Going to an unders disco where she works, so unfortunately you can't come. I can go, I'm Yeah, I just look older.

There's looking older and then there's that! You look about 30! So it's settled then, Wolfie will come down and check out this bird. Maybe Wolfie'll pull her. Except he won't, because she loves me! On underage girls If there's grass on the pitch play ball.

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Well, what if there isn't any? By the time you find out, it's too late anyway. Looks like there's some tidy minge here. Yes, it's tidy because it hasn't got any hair on it! To Will Maybe Charlotte needs someone to help service her car! Oh, I'd service her alright! I'd slide my dipstick in right deep! I'm so horny, tongue me! Christ, Simon's only gone and pulled himself an experienced cock handler! Or, someone so inexperienced she thinks this is the best way to pull a boy. Well, either way, thanks to me we're now watching Simon get wanked off! Yes, well we really do have a lot to thank you for. He kicked me in the cock! Good shot to get you in the cock! You're a nasty little virgin.

She'd definitely get it. Right up the bum hole. He asked me if I've tried the "Sleeping Beauty? Oh, it's good, that. What, you know it? Yeah, you sit on your arm 'til your hand goes dead. Ten, fifteen minutes is normally enough. And then when you wank, it feels like someone else is doing it.

How do you know these things? Oh, everyone knows the Sleeping Beauty; that's old. Yeah, my mate's brother invented it. He and his mates used to be called The Dead Hand Gang. They had a gang based on masturbation? Oh there's nothing gay about that. Yeah, well he's in the Air Force now, so how gay's that? I can't believe you've hired a stripper! How have you paid for that?! We haven't yet, we'll just have a whip round when she gets here. Great, so until an angry lap dancer turns up we are without female company. What's for pudding, Will? Not being seen dead with you in a million years, is what she's up to.

Oh, I'm sorry, Russell Brand, who are you bringing again? Don't worry about me, mate, I'm up to my neck in sluts at the moment. Maybe I'll bring my new fuck-buddy along, that little blonde barmaid from the Fox and Hounds. You pulled a barmaid? Has she got any special dietary requirements? It's just I've never cooked for an imaginary woman before. Well, I know she's not allergic to nuts - my nuts She only eats small portions then? Well I didn't hear your mum complaining Uh, I just had a really nice And I think some went on the floor, sorry. Look, I put a lot of effort into this! I made a really nice coq au vin You don't help yourself, do you? Oh yes, I see, 'coq' au vin, very mature!

It actually mean chicken in wine, doesn't it, Patrice? Well, it does, and it doesn't mean cock up my arse, or cock on my head, or Or that I got some cock in the back of a van! Look, all I wanted was a nice, civilised and sophisticated dinner party.

Just something a little different from the usual parties - maybe even the sort of party that girls are assignmen by! OK, so there aren't any girls here, but why don't we at least attempt to have a sophisticated conversation? How much Lego can you stuff up your bum? Oh, for Christ's sake! No not now, like when you were younger how much did you get up there?

You are grim mate. Why were sticking Lego up your bum? Oh God, what if my birthdays just get worse and worse from now on? What'll happen next year? I'd have to have sex for that to happen. Or fuck a monkey? Technically, that still counts as sex. Or drink from the same cup as Neil's dad. Oi, my dad does not have AIDS! Oh mate, your dad is so AIDS, he's the one who gave it to the monkeys! You take that back! That's what the monkeys said to him. Night Out In London [2. Slow down a minute, Si. Jay takes off his seatbelt, rolls down the window and leans out. Where did that come from?

I dunno, it just felt right. Those people just saw us passing by and thought, 'We must be the bus wankers! I need a piss. Angry Man From Bus Stop: I'd rather be a bus wanker than drive that piece of yellow shit! Oh, mate, it's not good, Get us some bog roll it's bleeding Look! Put it away, Neil! It stings when it rubs on my pants! Then it'll rub on my jeans. Neil, no matter Write my assignment org liqueur your old man says, you can't walk around London with your knob hanging out. Duke of Edinburgh [2. Just who is this Duke of Edinburgh, does he teach it? No, of course he doesn't teach it you fucking idiot, the Duke of Edinburgh is Prince Charles. Umm, no he isn't, it's his dad. But he fucks the Queen though.

Probably up the arse. LOOK, do you wanna sign up or not? You've gotta be fucking joking, there's no way I'm gonna get bummed by some royal bloke on a mountain! Yeah fuck it, I'm in. You're desperate for a gum job! Cos you're a paedo. Well, if I did fancy old people, which I don't, that would make me the opposite of a paedophile. Well then he's an OAPaedo! Noticing Will asleep in the common room Here he is, sleeping ugly. He's asleep, I reckon. That's cos he was up all night shagging. I bet he goes into their room at night, kisses them on the forehead and then slides right into their powdery, old fanny.

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